Refreshed, Restored, Renewed

by, Emily Doti

The water was rapidly entering my lungs. I screamed and cried out for help, screamed until my breath was gone. An immense force pushed down hard on my chest. I gasped for air, clutching tight to remove the force above me. I was searching for air to breathe, but my mouth was sealed shut. Nothing was visible, only darkness. I coughed violently and scratched my hands at anything solid I could find. For seconds I did not know where I was, the only thing I knew was the crash. The crash was still happening and I was going to die.

Silence loomed around me. How could it be so quiet? Moments ago there was nothing but noise, crashing and screaming, extreme winds, now quiet. I could feel my eyelids open, but all I could see was a dark brown mass. Panic came over me, I couldn't see. I began to yell louder than I could bear, "I can't see! To see is everything, and I can't see!" I quickly wiped at my eyes and found my fingers coated with mud. I felt around with my hands and noticed something wet. Water! I dunked my head vigorously in the cool water. My eyes refocused, and my sight was restored. It was over then, the crash. I was alive! Victory was short lived, however, for all I could feel was a sharp, stinging sensation in both eyes. As I lifted my head, it felt like two hammers were pounding away. Every beat of my heart made the throbbing grow worse. My legs were on fire, but I could move. Nothing seemed to be broken, I was only battered and bruised. Wearily, I glanced around. Where was Payton?

I looked around slowly, searching for my big brother. Across from where I was sitting, Payton's muscular body lay stiff and lifeless on the rocky shore. Violent torrents of white water crashed against the rocks in the ragin' Animas river next to him, pushing swirls of water on the shore around his feet. What happened to his shoes? His face was half buried in wet, muddy pine needles. He wasn't moving.

"Payton, stop foolin" is what came out of my mouth in a crackling sound. I cleared my throat and tried again, "Payton, stop playin around! Get up!"

My big brother had played many jokes on me before, but this was no joke. I crawled over to him in a scurry and jabbed at his side with my hand. "Payton come on. We gotta get outta here." With great difficulty I rolled Payton on his back. His face was caked in black mud. His eyes sealed like mine were. He didn't seem to be breathing. I tentatively grabbed his arm to feel for his pulse. His skin was cold and pale. There was nothing I could do, Payton was dead.

I held my big brother's head close to my chest. I sat silent for a while, reflecting on what had happened. In total dismay, I whispered softly in what seemed like a squeaking sound, "Oh, Payton! Why? Why didn't I listen to you? You said a class 5 was too difficult. This, I, I . . . This is all my fault!" I held Payton tight in my arms and started to rock back and forth. In agony I cried out, "Oh God, Payton, no! I should be the one lying dead in the mud, not you. Oh, Payton, you were right; my hard-headedness would come back to haunt me! Why was I so damn stubborn!?!" In a sob-filled whimper, I muttered out, "I'm so sorry." Immediately, I hit the ground crying bitterly, only to be heard by the river and empty forest.

The sun was high overhead and barely visible through the dense pine forest. My brother's body still lay stiff on the muddy ground. I could not bare to see him like that any longer. I gathered as many leaves as there were around me and covered his body. I sat on the ground next to the leaf mound and began to shiver violently. The cold wind rushed off the river and howled through the trees, pressing against my damp clothes. I could not stay under the shade of the trees much longer.

I struggled to my feet and attempted to walk, falling down shortly after. All of a sudden I felt a jeering pain in my left leg. I hobbled over to a tree and used it for support. When I lifted my left pant leg, I found a huge gash in the skin under my knee. It was black and filled with mud. Blood was slowly dripping down my leg. I cleaned my wound as best as I could with the river water, but the mud was deep in. Quickly, I ripped off a piece of my cargo pants and tied it around my leg in hope that it would stop the bleeding. In pain I staggered once again to get up. I took one final glimpse of my leaf-covered brother and trudged deep into the forest.

I had little experience navigating, but I knew the Animas river ran north to south. If I followed the river southward, eventually I would run into the Durango & Silverton railroad tracks, which would lead me home. The forest was empty and I felt more alone than I ever had in my entire life. I saw a few birds swoop down by the river shores, but not much else. The rocks following the riverbank were large and difficult to climb, but I kept going. Losing site of the river was certain death, I would be lost in the forest with no sense of direction. The sun blazed above me, yet I was terribly cold. My clothes were stained in blood, caked with mud, and thoroughly damp with the 25EF river water. I clutched the sides of my arms with both hands in attempt to stay warm. I continued my climb along the river slowly, but surely. I had to keep a steady pace to make it to the tracks before nightfall.

Looking down the river, I noticed a large dark object that was moving in a rather staggered fashion. As it approached me and got closer, I noticed what it was. A huge brown bear! It trudged down the river, most likely in search of fish, getting closer and closer to me. I began to panic, forgetting all I knew about hiking in the woods. I decided to keep going, hoping the bear wouldn't notice me. Staying low and close to the river shrubs, I crept dangerously closer toward the bear. I was almost past it, when I stumbled on a loose root and toppled to the ground, only inches from the fury mass. Getting between a hungry bear and his dinner is not something you want to do, under any circumstances. As I lay perfectly still behind the bear, the noise must have startled him, because he turned around immediately after I fell. The large creature's eyes met mine. His massive teeth stained with blood from a fish were showing as his mouth snarled open. I lay stiff on the ground looking straight into his eyes. He let out a soft growl. Fear took over my mind and I lost all rationality. I leapt off the ground and began running in the opposite direction, not looking back. I could hear the pants of the beast as he bounded behind me. I fled deeper into the forest not knowing what to do. My legs were sore all over and I hadn't the breath to continue. I collapsed to the ground and choked loudly to regain my breath. I looked behind me with sheer terror in my eyes. The bear was no where to be found. Had it not even been following me? After what seemed like three hours of looking straight into the bushes behind me, I noticed a brown rear-end meandering back from where we came. The bear was not stupid. He knew not to get to far from the river. I however was too far from the river. I was completely lost. In despair and fatigue I hit the ground shielding my eyes from the blinding sun.

"Are you sure you can handle a class 5, Brooke?"

"Ha Ha, Payton, you're a riot."

"You don't have to be so sarcastic."

"It's 7:00 A.M.. We have plenty of time."

"How could you miss that massive tree, are you blind?"

"Yes! Brooke, I can't see a thing!"

"What?! Stop foolin around Sargent goof-off."

I opened my eyes to the hot, blinding sun. The bright light was overpowering. I had to blink over and over, just to see again. My face felt like it was cracking in a million pieces. I must have dozed off under the hot sun a little too long. At least my clothes had dried off and I wasn't so cold anymore.

I glanced around at the forest surrounding me. Still alone. No one knew were I was. My grandpa could barely take care of himself, he wouldn't notice me missing. It was just my brother and I. Now, it was just me. For some reason I thought someone else was in the forest. Maybe they would rescue me! I started to yell, "Help! Help! For the love of God, somebody, help me!"

I sat quietly in the forest floor shrubbery and waited for an answer. Nothing happened. I don't know why I was surprised, it was clear that I was alone. Anyway, this was my fault. If only I listened to my brother. A class 5 was too hard! I lay on the ground not wanting to move. It seemed the forest had beaten me.

"NO! I won't let this damn forest take me like it did my brother!" I screamed as I threw a rock at a nearby tree. The rock disappeared into the forest and made no sound. I was that rock. "If I die in this forest, who would see me? Who would hear me?" My eyes started to water. I held back the tears and said determined, "I have to stay alive! For Grandpa! Who else will take care of him? I have to stay alive! For Payton! I will defeat this damn forest for him! I must keep walking!"

The sun began to disappear behind the distant ridge. I scaled the hill, pulling on shrub oaks to help me move upward. When I finally reached the top of the hill, I saw the most depressing site: There were five more ridges in view, at least. Who knows how many more there were? Who knows where I am? The amber glow of the setting sun lit the skyline along the mountain peaks. My legs were too tired and weak to walk anymore. I sat against a tree trunk and watched the sun vanish from the sky. The sky darkened rather quickly. The cold, night air rushed over my body. Each little hair on my arms stood up. The night cold was worse than the mere chill I felt during th day. I sat quietly on the ground, shivering. I tried hard not to remember the crash, but the image would not leave my mind. It played over and over again, like a broken record.

I could see the sleek raft bounding over the violent, white water. The gentle mist flowed off the rocks and landed on my face. My arms were sore, I had been paddling for about an hour.

I tried not to remember the horrific ordeal, but the images played so vividly and clear in my mind. I began to breath very heavily. I tried to swallow, but my throat made more of a gagging gesture. I was dehydrated, or close to it. My nostrils were so dry, it hurt to breath in. I licked my lips with my coarse, dry tongue. I seemed to have no saliva. I needed to find the river, badly. I lay on my stomach on the ground. It was rocky and cold, but I was so weak and water deprived, I couldn't sit up. I was fed up. I gathered up all my strength, every ounce of whatever I had left in me, and shouted at the top of my lungs, "PAYTON, WHERE ARE YOU?! I NEED YOU!" , devastated I dropped my head on the ground. I began to sob but no tears came out. Hope was gone. I had given up.

All of a sudden, I felt a strange, warm breeze rush over me. I lifted my head despite the pain. A dry leaf began floating around in the breeze. I had never seen a leaf move like that before. It danced around and swirled about my legs despite the lack of wind. I crawled across the forest floor, following the leaf. I zig-zagged all around the trees like a snake, following every move the leaf made. I could hear a distant rumbling.

"Could it be? The River?!"

I dragged my body further and further. Where could this leaf lead? Was I just going in circles? The rumbling grew fainter. I was close to the dry, old leaf, so I grabbed it. I stopped the wild goose chase, and dropped my head back on the ground. My body was now heavy as a five ton boulder. Slowly, I continued breathing, hoping to hold on a little longer. Many minutes went by, or was it hours? The rumbling played through my mind and grew louder, than fainter, then louder again. Was the river just a delusion? Was I dead? Was there even a leaf at all? I could not move anymore. I was so cold and thirsty. The rumbling was still raging through my ears. It seemed so loud, yet the forest was so quiet. I heard a mere pitter-patter of water as it echoed through the forest. With whatever strength that was in me, I managed to mumble, "Oh great, now it's raining." I tried to lift my head, but it was too heavy. I tried again and as the breeze hit my face I felt a cool, soft sensation. My face was covered in wet mud. I looked up. Right in front of me was a the river, sparkling and rushing smoothly. I looked down as far as I could see, the river was really there in front of me. I had found it!

I cupped my hands together and filled them with water. The cool, crisp water touched my lips and trickled over my tongue and down my throat. The water quenched every pore in my mouth, refreshing me beyond my belief. I filled my nostrils with water and splashed my face in the stream intensely. My strength had been restored. I was able to sit up again and gained more strength with every drink. I knew that I had the capability and determination to keep walking. As I sat calmly next to the river, the morning sun began to rise over the horizon. I could see the reflection of the steel railroad tracks a few miles down ahead of me. "It wouldn't be much further now," I said boldly.

I looked by my feet and gazed at the small, dry leaf. I picked it up, clutching it tight in my hand I held it against my chest. My spirit was renewed. It was not by chance that leaf had led me to the river. I stood to my feet and opened my hand. The dry, shriveled leaf fell out of my palm and landed in the water. As it drifted away, I closed my eyes and whispered softly, "Thank you, Payton. Thank you."